At 19 years of age I found my bum on a seat at a 12 Step meeting. No, I didn’t have a problem with drugs or alcohol. I was attracted only to others who did.
So while I’d occasionally complain that it was a pain to be living with my eyes open on the precipice of adulthood, I was absolutely thrilled to discover HP (Higher Power). I loved every moment of feeling that deep connection with something far greater than myself. I was not raised very religiously yet faith seemed so natural and easy. I was awakening!
Throughout most of my 20s I kept a connection to Source until I moved away from this unconsciously in my late 20s due to my embarrassingly inflated ego. By my early 30s I’d entered a relationship with a partner who didn’t get the spiritual stuff, or art, or alternative music. This is not to say that she wasn’t a significant teacher.
Fast forward to my late 30s and I began to journey once more to the truth of who I am.
By early 40s, the clock struck thrice on a personal experience and this time I went down for the count. I was riddled with anxiety and didn’t work for a while.
I blamed externals and continued to feed myself scary stories. The most painful experiences often show up as an opportunity to awaken. And, awaken I did. I discovered Eckhart Tolle, mindfulness, Pema Chodron, compassion, Deepak Chopra, true forgiveness. A bunch of incredible healers each had their part on my recovery journey, and I started over. It certainly wasn’t an overnight trip, yet the learning has been invaluable to myself ever since. I connected once more to something greater than myself. It felt amazing when I let go and did.
The most significant part of my awakening journey, to date, was totally unexpected. A couple of years following my anxiety breakdown, a friend mentioned to me that I was the 3rd person(?). The third person needed for an intimate group to develop intuitive abilities with a mentor.
Now it’s true I had seen, heard and felt ghosts and entities before… was fearful and shut down. It’s also true my deceased nanna had visited in vivid dreams in my very early 40s teaching me about reality, reincarnation, death, possibility, astral travel and more.
But it was a bum on a seat, this time in a bright yellow room, with an incredible mentor that blew my awakening out of the water.
I discovered very early that I had a direct line of communication with Source. I could see, hear, feel and know things that I couldn’t possibly have without channeling.
After a couple of years of mentoring it was as though my personality had undergone a major overhaul. In truth, my essence had not shifted, but outer layers of egoic protection in the form of defensiveness, perfection, avoidance, fearfulness and worry began to dissolve. During this time I learnt to really listen, to pace my thoughts and responses, to have faith in the Universe at large, to truly forgive others and myself. I discovered a whole other depth to true self love.
My life changed. This extroverted extrovert now likes a lot of time alone, space to chill and meditates and connects daily minimum (even when not channeling for clients). I feel uncomfortable if I haven’t meditated at least once a day. I am more sensitive to others and energies at times. Still I know how to manage and work with this. My third eye has been buzzing on overdrive since 2017. All of my friends know what I do now and who I am. It was a second coming out in some respects. Many people still become uncomfortable when they learn you have psychic abilities and assume you’re reading them. I don’t do this, I respect my privacy and that of others. Occasionally insights arrive, yet mostly I receive downloads when I intentionally connect to Source. I also have no interest in gossip so psychic prying has even less appeal, let alone signifies a lack of integrity.
I can say it was a traumatic path to discover my gifts and light mission. Still I openly concede that I made it harder for myself with an imbalanced ego focused on fear. However the journey since certainly continues to be worth it.
The funny thing is the spiritual path doesn’t mean you reach a plateau and life is all zen, herbal tea and rainbows.
You choose to continue evolving consciously. There are multiple opportunities to remember who you are and who want to be. The silver lining is the magnificence you feel, the love of God/Source/The Divine… and the tools! Every time crap hits the fan your growing array of tools come in so handy. “Oops starting to worry again? Breathe, step back into this moment. Oh that’s right I have lots to be grateful for.” What used to be a difficult year can temper to a difficult day. It is all worth it.
In retrospect I would not change a thing that has occurred in my life. Not one thing for all of the joy, love, heartache, challenge and unexpected has brought me here now to this very perfect moment. May you to see the beauty of this truth in your life too.